So I saw this box of toothpicks laying on the table and noticed something: These toothpicks were calling themselves "chewing sticks." I guess being called a toothpick isn't good enough for these pretentious assholes, they have to be "chewing sticks." Oh, hello chewing stick. Would you like some champagne and caviar? May I take your top hat? How about I roll out a fucking red carpet for you?
Look, give it up. You're a toothpick. Why do you have to play games? Do you think that just because you have tea tree oil, you're better than everyone else? Oh, excuse me... you're "impregnated" with tea tree oil. La-dee-fucking-da. Don't expect me to give you my seat on the bus. You're not impressing me with your fancy vocabulary, toothpick, you're just making yourself look like a douche.
Oh, and where did you get the idea that you could impress people by saying you're australian? This just shows that you are totally fucking clueless. What? Did you think we would think you were "exotic." Did you think you would conjure up images of the Sydney Opera House and crystal goblets of robust Shiraz? News Flash: here in America, when we hear "australian" we just think of Crocodile Dundee throwing shrimps on the barbie while he gets drunk on Fosters. Maybe you should grab your digeridoo and your Kylie Minogue CDs and fuck off before a dingo eats your baby.
Okay, so you're a stick and maybe people chew on you, but you know what other sticks people chew on? That's right: TOOTHPICKS. Some of them are even minty, and you don't see them putting on airs. Seriously, get over yourself.
